Trying again

Well, on November 23rd I had a tubal ligation done.  If you are wondering what the difference is between the tubal and Essure (my other procedure) here ya go:

Essure: coils are inserted into each tube and over 3 months, scar tissue builds up so that nothing except Shane's super swimmers can get through.  A follow-up test is done after 3 months where dye is injected into each tube to make sure nothing can get through.  If the test is a success (mine was), then they say that there is a 0.02% chance of ever getting pregnant again.  HA. HA. HA.

Tubal ligation: the doc goes in through your belly button and also at your bikini line and, using a scope to see, puts a clamp on each tube to block it.  (They used to actually cut the tubes and take a little piece out, but I guess they've realized clamps work the same...?)  There is a 1.4-2% chance of getting knocked up again.  Awesome.  Like I can't beat those odds.

To help bring the chance of getting preggo again down, Shane is going to get snipped in January once he gets on insurance through his work.  We talked about it and if I get pregnant again after all of this, we are going to say, "Forget it!" and have 11 kids.  

Anyway, everything went smoothly with my surgery.  The hot anesthesiologist came in to give me the good drugs and said, "I head that you had a surprise baby..."  (Ok, seriously, where do all these people hear about this?!  I am famous at Ogden Regional.)  "...my wife had a tubal done and we had a surprise, too, only a little different."

Me: "Um....what do you mean a little different?"

Hottie: "Well, she had twins."

OH MY GOSH.  

I'm about to have that same surgery and you're telling me this now?!  I guess he knows his wonderful drugs will relax me, even if his words don't.  Thanks, dude.

The first thing I remember after waking up was P.A.I.N.

Guys, I've had THREE kids and never been in so much pain.  I sleepily told the nurse that I was hurting.  She asked what my pain level was.  I told her a 9.  She gave me morphine.  15 minutes later, she asked where my pain was at.  I was honest when I said an 8.  She gave me more morphine.  The morphine didn't do too much (surprisingly) and I kept telling her I was still hurting.  She told me that I had had another drug, too (I forget the name) and I couldn't have anymore drugs for a little while.

I have a freakishly low pain tolerance.  

(That's another way of saying, "I'm a total wuss.")

About 45 minutes after waking up, they moved me to a room where Shane joined me.  About 30 minutes later, I was again asked where my pain was at.  I said 7.8.  She made me keep some soda and crackers down, then gave me percocet, which helped a lot more than the morphine.

I was in too much pain to be funny-drugged Loretta, but here are some pictures:

"Can I have more morphine?"

"Am I smiling?"

Me: "Oh sorry-I closed my eyes for that one."  Shane: "It's okay.  You look asleep in all of them anyway."

More percocet please!

It was so annoying/weird, but I couldn't keep my oxygen levels up for some reason.  It kept going down to 76 and wouldn't go above 85 without the oxygen mask on me.  (They wanted it at or above 90.)  I remember thinking that I have never in my life had to think about breathing.  A nurse would come in and tell me to take some deep breaths and keep breathing.  Um, hello?  I AM BREATHING!  Just not enough for them.  I was told no more pain meds unless I could keep the oxygen level above 90 on my own.  All I thought about was breathing in and out.  It was really weird to literally have to tell my brain to make my lungs breathe.  Anyway, after 40 minutes of that, my oxygen level was steady on it's own now so we were good to go home.  

The next three days were the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.  Seriously.  (And to add to the three kids that I've had, I've also had very serious knee surgery on BOTH knees where they cut into my BONE.  This was worse than all of that.)  I felt like I had torn every muscle in my body from the base of my skull to my hips.  I don't know why I was feeling that kind of pain all over, but it SUCKED.  I kept my percocet close, though, and just layed on the couch waiting to die.  Shane was able to get Tuesday and Wednesday off (and of course Thursday for Thanksgiving) and I wouldn't have survived at home without him.  It was actually really funny because even after each kid has been born, I have felt just fine so Shane has never had to actually do EVERYTHING around the house that I do.  For two days I silently laughed at him when he would say, 

"Oh my heck!  The first chance I get to sit down for two seconds and suddenly one of the kids needs something!!"

He'll never again ask me what I do all day.  :)

It's been a little over a week since the surgery now and I feel much, much better.  (Thankfully!)  Recovery from Essure was a piece of cake, but since it didn't work, I'll take the pain (please let this work!).

P.S. The doctor asked if I wanted pictures of the clamps on my tubes.  I said, "HECK YES!"  He gave them to Shane after the surgery when I was still in la la land, and it totally grossed Shane out.  Wuss.  I was going to post them for everyone to see, but Shane said that I shouldn't if I still want friends.  So, FRIENDS, what do you think?  Wanna see 'em?  They are not bloody or anything.  Just really, totally cool.  (But apparently not for the squeamish.....)